


For the fallen ones locked away in permanent slumber

by nevergoingdown



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Harry's father is not named, Is this angst, M/M, Niall and Liam aint here sorry, Older Louis, Sub Louis, Triggers, Younger Harry, harry couldnt remember louis, idk - Freeform, idk what else to tag, im so sorry, louis/other - Freeform, oh yeah, this was based on a manga called ake nure goyou ni furu yuki wa, you can find it in mangago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 20:09:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2123103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevergoingdown/pseuds/nevergoingdown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Harry, Harry” Louis holds Harry’s fainted body against his. Such a long time since he had last seen him, he was just a kid then. Harry had grown up to be a fine young man just like his father.</p><p>“He became like that because he tried to think about you, Louis” the butler says as he kneels beside Louis. “We thought it would be best for him to forget about you”</p><p>“Grimmy, if Harry wants to see me after remembering everything, when that time comes…” Louis says but is cut off by the older man.</p><p>“I dont know if that is a good idea, maybe, Harry will hurt you”</p><p>“I don’t care, Grim. I was the one who hurt him”</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the fallen ones locked away in permanent slumber

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a manga, whats new haha. You might be confused at the dream part where Harry remembers everything but I hope you enjoy this fic.

“People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in; their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”

He is dressed in all black, standing stoically as he watches the people mourning over the body inside the casket that is now being buried in the ground.  He can see his aunt, wiping her tears away as she gave one last final glance. He feels so bad right now, why was he feeling emotionless when this is the first time in many years he has seen the man in the coffin. Dead, his father was dead.

Harry can barely recall what had caused the sudden distance between him and his father, all he knows, is that one day his father never came home. Harry had thought they were the perfect family. His mother, Anne, was a loving woman and the perfect housewife but still his father had left them. The last time he had seen his father was at his mother’s funeral, he wasn’t even there when his mother was in the hospital battling the sickness she later succumbs into.

His father was his childhood idol; he wanted to be like him when he grew up but when Harry did grow up, his father was nowhere to be seen. The bastard, he is.

His father’s death was different from his mother’s who had died after tortuous years of cancer, he was met with a sudden accident. Until the end, he didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to anyone, no farewell, even to his son, Harry.

Harry had grown up to look just like his father, the green eyes, the dark curls, all resemble his old man but Harry had loathed how he looked.  Whenever he looked at the mirror, he could see his father, a self centered bastard who had no care in the world.

“Harry” The young man was broken from his trance when Nick, the Styles’ family butler pinches his nose. The older man laughs at him and ruffles his hair.

“Grimmy, where are the others?” Harry asked, seemingly surprised that the cemetery was deserted. He must have been too preoccupied with his thoughts to have noticed them leaving.

“They have left after the prayers, young master”

Harry nodded and scratched his neck. “Oh, I just have a lot of things in my mind lately. I hope I didn’t come off as rude to others.” Nick furrows his eyebrows as if asking what things had been bothering his beloved master.

“You know, like, Did my father even have friends, things like that?” the curly haired man shrugs his shoulders. “Why was everyone mourning his death?” He kneels infront of his father’s tombstone. “I don’t understand why because wasn’t he an egotistical man?” The butler just stares at his seemingly lost for words.

“Why was there a need for everyone to be upset for him? I really don’t understand. The more I think about it, the more I get confused”.

Harry stares off at a distance, green eyes scanning the area as if he was looking for something. He looks back at the tombstone and touches the engravings of his father’s name. “When did I start to hate my father so much?”

The young man stands up and clenches his fists, struggling to keep himself composed and not punch the tombstone of his father. He stares off again and that’s when he sees him.

There was a man, he was of short stature with caramel hair and from the distance Harry knew the man was crying. The tear tracks staining his youthful face as the caramel haired man stands far from him and Grimmy.

Harry felt his heart beat fast as he and the man met eyes. Blue eyes. They were far from each other but how did Harry know the man’s eye color. He felt his chest thump wildly and he sprints towards the stranger. The short man flinches and makes a run for it but Harry catches him and grips his wrists.

He has no idea what he was doing. He feels so drawn to the stranger. Was he someone he had known long ago? Harry wasn’t sure. All he knows was that his body was telling him that he needs to catch a hold of the other man and never let him go. He definitely knows this man.

“Who are you” Harry asks and spins the stranger until their faces meets. Blue eyes, yes, blue eyes staring into Harrys’ emerald ones. He has seen those eyes before but he cant remember. He wants to remember. Harry lets go of the man and crumble into the ground. He needs to remember this man. Why cant he remember him?

“Harry”

Harry’s brain cant handle too much stress and the last thing he remembers before blacking out was the man’s hauntingly blue eyes.

\--

Harry wakes up and finds himself in his room. He sees his butler in the corner preparing his favorite tea and smiles at him. His butler gives him a cup and he eagerly drinks from it. “ Thank you for taking me home, Grimmy.” He laughs and adds “ Was I too heavy?”

Nick smiles fondly at him. “Ah, you’ve grown so tall now, You were such a little kid before, now you are all limbs” Harry is thankful for Grimmy, he had treated him like a second father.

“Hey, Grim, is he one of father’s friends?”

Nick raises his brows at him. “Who?”

“The man at the burial ground.” Harry carefully sits up so as not to spill his tea.  “You’ve known father since he was young, have you seen that man before?”

Nick’s eyes widen before giving Harry a little smile. “ No, I don’t know him.”

“Oh, I see” Harry says a bit disappointed.

“And before I forget, your father’s secretary wanted you to have this” Nick says as he takes a small box from inside the dresser. “Your father’s”

Harry takes it and opens the lid of the box.  Nick stands up and says quick goodbye and to call him if Harry needs anything, leaving the young man to himself.

His father was a busy man, always work, work, and work. He seldom comes home, probably preferred to stay in the office than spend time with his own family. Harry hadn’t really cared that much, he had thought his father was doing it for their own good, up until he didn’t come back home.

So it was a surprise to see that the box was full of pictures of them as a family, pictures that Harry cant seem to remember when it was taken.

He sees himself as a little kid, all smiles, and his dimples showing off with thumbs up. What had happened to this Harry? Harry has no clue.

He sees a lot of pictures of him, his father and his mother so happy like the perfect family Harry had always thought they were. He cant help but let a tear fall as he sees his mother’s smiles. How he wishes he could have seen his mother’s smile again.

One picture was folded in the center unlike the other photos. He unfolds it and sees his young self smiling happily at a young man who was smiling too with his eyes crinkling adorably.  The young man was the stranger at the cemetery.

“Grimmy” Harry stands up from his bed, the photos scattering all over the floor as he clutches that one picture. “Grimmy” he shouts and the door bursts open as his butler runs towards him.

“What’s wrong” Grimmy asks as Harry stumbles into the floor.

“Help me, My head, it hurts.” The young man groans and the butler helps him stand up. “Fuck, I know that man, Grim. I fucking know him. I just cant remember him. What is happening?”

“Young master, calm down” Nick tries to soothe the young man, rubbing circles on his back

“Why cant I remember him? my head fucking hurts” Harry looks pleadingly at the older man. “Help me”.

\--

_“Harry, listen to me, okay? Im Mr. Malik. Mr. Grimshaw here has called me. Im a psychiatrist, I will help you remember. Just listen carefully. The clock will turn back and you will see past events in your life but these memories might not be wonderful. I want you to stay with me. Just listen to my voice, where are you now? What do you see?”_

Harry opens his eyes and sees his surroundings, it was like those flashbacks in movies he had watched as a child, his surroundings were eerily different, almost the color sepia. He walks and sees a young boy in the garden looking at something hidden in the distance. He feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up when he sees the young boy’s face. It was his child self.

Harry looks towards where his young self was looking and sees his father, a younger version of him, together with another man, the man with caramel hair and blue eyes, Louis.

“Louis”

 _“His name was Louis. His father had met him in college, they were lovers.”_ Harry hears Nick’s voice but he cant see him anywhere _. “But that was before your mother, Harry.”_

Harry knows this because he had seen them together. Harry knows it all too well. But young Harry did not dislike Louis even if he liked his father because whenever the caramel haired man comes to visit his father, young Harry gets to see him, his most beloved Louis.

“ _When you were young, you told me that Louis knows magic”_ Grimmy says.

Louis knows magic, he was amazing. Whenever young Harry got bruised from playing outdoors, he was there.

“Harry, its fine. Don’t cry” Louis says in an airy voice that sounds music to Harry’s ears. “Its all right. I will kiss it better”. When Louis said that, he would kiss Harry’s scratches and the pain would be gone.

He was magic.

“I love Louis the most”

“I want to be with him forever”

Harry’s surroundings changes and he sees his young self staring out the window looking at Louis’ figure, hunched down, crying.

“I always see him crying alone. Was he hurt somewhere? I didn’t know because I was too young. All I wanted was to be an adult and hold him in my arms and never see him cry”

 _“Go on Harry_ ” another voice says, Dr. Malik.

“But even if I grow up, Louis likes my father not me. He only wants my father—ughhh”

_“What is it Harry, what do you see?”_

“Louis is crying again”

“Ughhh, hands, he is strangling me” Harry bolts awake and clutches his neck, gasping for breath. He now remembers everything. But why did Louis do that to him?

“Why did I not remember it before?” Harry asks his butler sitting next to Dr. Malik who was writing down notes.

“Harry, when your father found you, your neck was covered in bruises and Louis was nowhere to be seen. Your parents and I tried our best to help you forget about Louis and everything about him. It was around the time that your father kept his distance from you. He says he will always remind you of Louis” Nick finishes and gives Harry a warm embrace for going through something traumatic.

“I don’t want to think about the unhappy things that happened with Louis, but Grimmy, do you know where he is?” Nick nods at him and tells him.

\--

“Harry, Harry” Louis holds Harry’s fainted body against his. Such a long time since he had last seen him, he was just a kid then. Harry had grown up to be a fine young man just like his father.

“He became like that because he tried to think about you, Louis” the butler says as he kneels beside Louis. “We thought it would be best for him to forget about you”

“Grimmy, if Harry wants to see me after remembering everything, when that time comes…” Louis says but is cut off by the older man.

“I dont know if that is a good idea, maybe, Harry will hurt you”

“I don’t care, Grim. I was the one who hurt him”

\--

Harry is sitting in the living room of a small flat. He thinks its rather cozy for someone who was living alone. He sees the pictures framed by the wall and cant help but think that this event was pretty nostalgic to him.

“Harry” Harry fixes his eyes to the man beside him. Louis still looked breathtaking. He looked like he had not aged a day. Harry can still feel his heart beat faster at the mere sight of his childhood love.

“I always thought that me and your father could still be friends. Even when I see him with Anne, I didn’t care. I loved your father so much that I was so desperate just to stay close to him” Louis fidgets in his seat remembering about how pathetic he was before.

“He had asked me if I was sad that I was staying with him even if he had his own family. I told him that Im happy to be by his side. He had cried and took my hands saying how much of a fool he was for not choosing me, for making me suffer because he had always wanted a family and I couldn’t give it to him” Louis says and struggles to fight back tears. He feels a hand intertwine with his and he smiles a bit.

“In my head, there was a voice screaming at me. I tried to fight it that day but it was so strong, it overwhelmed me. The voice told me that I couldn’t give him what he desired the most, I couldn’t bear him a child, what value did it have, why did it exist and I snapped” the fragile man breaks down and kneels infront of Harry.

“Im not asking you to forgive me. I did such horrible thing to you. You were so young. I saw how afraid you were of me and I couldn’t do it. I shattered your innocence. You don’t really have to forg—“

Louis feels two hands caress his face and tilts his chin up. Emerald eyes looked back at him with such kindness, he couldn’t help it but let the tears roll down his face. He felt so vulnerable like this. Harry smiles at him and kisses his forehead.

“Even now, I still don’t understand, Louis. I feel like Ive forgotten something but I don’t know what that is. There is something missing. Why do I dislike my father?”

“Its all my fault”

“No” Harry shook his head. “I finally realized it when I remembered. I was envious of my father. You loved him so much. He was the only one you wanted. The only one who gave you happiness but he didn’t do that. He didn't love you the way you deserved. I wanted to be that person. I wanted to stay by your side. I knew when you were in pain and he didn’t realize it even when you’ve reached your limit. He didn’t push you away, If he had, you’d be free of this pain”

Louis was speechless. How could Harry know all this. Had Harry loved him like this when he was young. Harry wipes a tear from Louis’ face and smiles.

“Can I be the one then, can I replace my dad? I will give you the love and the happiness you deserved. Let me love you the way you always wanted.”

“I was so angry at myself Harry but then I heard your voice, you told me everything was gonna be alright. Even when my hands were around your neck, you reached out to me and wiped away my tears. When I heard you, the voices disappeared. Your warm hands touched me. You saved me” Louis clutches both of Harry’s hands in his own. Harry cant feel but to be happy with the way Louis’ delicate hands fitted with his larger ones.

“But you still loved my father, you went to his funeral”

“I didn’t want to see you again after what I had done to you but I found myself standing there and I saw you. I was so obsessed with your father and then I saw you. His heart didn’t belong to me. It was you who was the most important to me. I really like you. I was always happy whenever I see you smile. You had saved me many times but I destroyed you.”

“Louis—“

Louis shook his head. “I finally realized it. You were always the one looking at me and yet I hurt you. These tears…” Louis wipes Harry’s tears. “How can I repay you?”

“Im willing to do anything, Im willing to leave you alone” Louis says through tears. “Ill do it immediately”.

“No, don’t disappear again Louis” Harry lunges himself towards Louis and envelops him in an embrace. “Don’t leave me again. Don’t leave my side”

Louis tightens his embrace and looks up at Harry. “Thank you for coming into my life”. He remembers the first time he held Harry, his little hands clutching his fingers so tight as if never wanting to let him go.

Harry places his plump lips against Louis’ thin ones and thanks the gods above for letting him come to this world, for letting him meet the love of his life, to hold him and to keep him warm.

“I forgot to tell you the most important thing” Harry says once the kiss was broken. “I love Louis the most”

Louis cant help but bursts into tears. The second time he has heard that and he wants to hear it again and again. Those five little words that couldn’t be forgotten, no matter how many times he would hear it, a million times, he would gladly want to hear it as long as its coming from his beloved, his one and only Harry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
